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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #1
A Black Falcon
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Default Quite Possibly the Worst Game of All Time

Now I've read some funny review of those special truly, truly abysmal games. The PC Gamer reviews of eXtreme Paintbrawl, Extreme Watersports, Swamp Buggy Racing, and Skydive! come immediately to mind...

Some things that I still remember include some of the Swamp Buggy Racing one... "there are two tracks, a oval and an oval with a bump in it"... or the fact that eXtreme Paintbrawl shipped with no AI...

Well this is another one in that level. Or, if it is humanly possible, maybe below it...

A couple years ago PC Gamer did a 'The Worst 10 Games of All Time' feature. Their choice as worst was Extreme Watersports, a game with virtually no content or fun. This game looks like it's at least on par with that one.

http://www.gamespot.com/pc/driving/...trr/review.html

After finishing with that... here we are, the standard bearer as probably the worst PC game ever.

http://pc.ign.com/articles/161/161834p1.html

Now it probably doesn't do that erasing monitor drivers thing on all computers, but I somehow doubt it'd help the game.

Hmm, the game with five seconds of gameplay or the one with no opponents or obsticles to keep you from racing?

Or how about SkyDive... I seem to recall from that review that it has something like two minuites of gameplay...

More fun with funnily bad games!

http://www.gamespot.com/pc/sports/skydive/index.html
http://www.pcgamer.com/reviews/arch...00-08-10bc.html
http://www.gamespot.com/pc/action/e...rawl/index.html
Extreme Paintbrawl even had sequels!
http://www.gamespot.com/pc/action/e...awl4/index.html
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #2
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That first one seems like something I alone could just barely manage to make. That's sad on TWO levels.
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #3
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Unfortunately, Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing was not.
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We're both officers serving our country, but what exactly are we trying to protect? Japan hasn't seen warfare since World War II. You and I have lived our entire lives in a time of peace. Peace. That's what we're fighting to protect. But what does peace really mean to Japan? Once, our obsession with war ended in our defeat. Then we had the American occupation. America continued with the arms race, Cold War and proxy wars. Today the globe is engulfed in racial violence and civil wars. Japan's prosperity is built on the corpses of those wars. Our peace comes from ignoring the misery in this world. Other nations have been paying the price for world stability. But Japan has closed its eyes to the suffering out there. I can understand your hatred of "just" wars. The despots of the world love to launch their crusades for justice. People have fallen for that line throughout history. But there's a fuzzy line between an unjust peace and a just war. When liars use "peace" as a tool, peace can no longer be trusted. As war is followed by peace, peace inevitably lead to war. Someday we'll realize that peace is more than an absence of war. Have you considered that? We profit from war while the battle rangers behind us. We should remember how close we are to the front lines. Or maybe we're trying to forget. But sooner or later, our punishment will be handed down.
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #4
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Yeah, it was a good contender, but Extreme Watersports edged it out in the end...

Oh, and DJ, if you meant Swamp Buggy Racing, I linked the review that comes from. It's the PC Gamer review in the block on the bottom... I think I've given that link before here though... that first link is the new one.
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #5
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No, I meant the first one you linked to.
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #6
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Ah. You alone? I don't know, could anyone trying make a game that bad? It seems like it'd be hard, if you had the skill to get that far...

But why would anyone buy a awful game when there are much better games out there? Including free... (I mean freeware, it does exist) Sheer idiocy?
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Fri, January 16th, 2004   #7
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Cool, Gamespot has a video review of this thing! Go watch... Funny. And pitiful... Oh, and watch the second one too. Instant win!
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #8
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I think you should be abled to sue for miss leading advertising on the back of packages of pc games. If it says you have police chases and shipments and whatever in the back of the box , But the real game has none of that I think your entitled to sue the developer for false advertising and scaming.
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #9
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You'd think that, but no one really has the funds to sue any company with enough money to advertise stuff. Look at commercials. These days, though few people are even aware of it, they will flat out LIE to your FACE in commercials about products and services. Fortunatly, there are enough laws to keep them from lying about medicine (though they try).
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #10
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There were those people back in '97 or so who sued over Ultima Online...
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #11
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Why did they sue Ultima Online?
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #12
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Early on it had all kinds of problems and they said they were decieved or something... I think it was settled though
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #13
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Check this out:
Quote:
I'm speechless at this travesty. Gamespot has made some iffy calls before, but the lambasting it gives Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is completley off the mark. It is clear from the beginning that the reviewer simply did not fathom the complexities and allegory of this game.

First off, he laments about the lack of goals in the game. He whinges on that there is no cargo to haul, no police chases, not much of anything. What he fails to grasp is the message Big Rig sends in the very futility of attempt. What point is there of hauling cargo that will ultimately consumed in robotic fashion by an uncaring populace? Criminals incarcerated during a police chase, despite their victim's blood dripping from their hands and a confession pinned to their jacket, are simply set free via the efforts of slick lawyers and the failings of judicial machinations. What is the point of even trying? comes a plaintive cry from Big Rigs. The answer is apparent. There is no point.

Time to lay down and die. This comment on society is driven home (or in fact, not driven at all) even further by the computer AI. It doesn't even leave the starting gate. Much like the dreams and aspirations we harbour as youth, reving our engines on a starting line where the crack of the pistol never comes. Meanwhile, those of privledge cruise to easy victory, unconcerned over such mundane things as rent or grocery bills or collideable landscapes. The societal implications here in the game are staggering.


Perhaps the most stunning allegory is the limbo a driver finds themselves in if they venture off the beaten track. Here the game seems to provide an escape hatch for those willing to take a risk and explore the more remote possibilities of life. It also serves as a stark reminder of the ultimate destination we all are headed for. All roads lead to pergatory; where you go from there is anyone's guess.


It's been awhile since a game of such staggering implications has come along, so I suppose it's not surprising it might knock mainstream reviewers for a loop. But if you open your minds to the possibilities, all roads lead to nirvana.

Also go here:

http://www.stellarstone.com
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We're both officers serving our country, but what exactly are we trying to protect? Japan hasn't seen warfare since World War II. You and I have lived our entire lives in a time of peace. Peace. That's what we're fighting to protect. But what does peace really mean to Japan? Once, our obsession with war ended in our defeat. Then we had the American occupation. America continued with the arms race, Cold War and proxy wars. Today the globe is engulfed in racial violence and civil wars. Japan's prosperity is built on the corpses of those wars. Our peace comes from ignoring the misery in this world. Other nations have been paying the price for world stability. But Japan has closed its eyes to the suffering out there. I can understand your hatred of "just" wars. The despots of the world love to launch their crusades for justice. People have fallen for that line throughout history. But there's a fuzzy line between an unjust peace and a just war. When liars use "peace" as a tool, peace can no longer be trusted. As war is followed by peace, peace inevitably lead to war. Someday we'll realize that peace is more than an absence of war. Have you considered that? We profit from war while the battle rangers behind us. We should remember how close we are to the front lines. Or maybe we're trying to forget. But sooner or later, our punishment will be handed down.
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Sat, January 17th, 2004   #14
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Where did you get that from? Funny...

Oh, and great corporate website. A broken image and a row of non-functional buttons.
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Sun, January 18th, 2004   #15
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E.T. for the 2600. No contest. That game was forged in the fires of Mount Doom.
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Sun, January 18th, 2004   #16
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That's a good one...
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Sun, January 18th, 2004   #17
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Quote:
Where did you get that from? Funny...

That was from Gamespot's reader review section.
Quote:
Oh, and great corporate website. A broken image and a row of non-functional buttons.

The first two buttons work.
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We're both officers serving our country, but what exactly are we trying to protect? Japan hasn't seen warfare since World War II. You and I have lived our entire lives in a time of peace. Peace. That's what we're fighting to protect. But what does peace really mean to Japan? Once, our obsession with war ended in our defeat. Then we had the American occupation. America continued with the arms race, Cold War and proxy wars. Today the globe is engulfed in racial violence and civil wars. Japan's prosperity is built on the corpses of those wars. Our peace comes from ignoring the misery in this world. Other nations have been paying the price for world stability. But Japan has closed its eyes to the suffering out there. I can understand your hatred of "just" wars. The despots of the world love to launch their crusades for justice. People have fallen for that line throughout history. But there's a fuzzy line between an unjust peace and a just war. When liars use "peace" as a tool, peace can no longer be trusted. As war is followed by peace, peace inevitably lead to war. Someday we'll realize that peace is more than an absence of war. Have you considered that? We profit from war while the battle rangers behind us. We should remember how close we are to the front lines. Or maybe we're trying to forget. But sooner or later, our punishment will be handed down.
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Sun, January 18th, 2004   #18
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The site doesn't work in Netscape. That logo bar at the top of the screen is just a broken image and none of the buttons do anything.

Loaded it on IE. Silly statements on the first two tabs.

Oh, go to Support... you don't see this every day. Patch 1.0.
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